Imagine looking around at your room -your habitat, the place where you feel safe and comfortable- and not knowing how much longer you have in that place. Not knowing if you'll be staying in that place for much longer. Tonight, that is exactly what I've been doing.
Today, I fell off of the tip of the knife that I have been balancing precariously on for the past seven years. Today, I found out that my stepdad was staying somewhere else because he and my mom got into a fight...again. This time it was the straw that broke the camel's back. And it was over something so stupid too. My brother was asked to walk the dog and he didn't do it because he claimed it was raining. My stepdad was scolding my brother for it, kind of laughing at him about it and my mom told him, nicely, that what he was doing wasn't helping her do her job. And my stepdad blew up.
My mom told me today that she didn't know if they were gonig to try to work things out. Apparently they had attended marriaging counseling previously. I was not aware of this. Also, my mom told me that she knew my stepdad had somewhat of an anger issue. She had hoped that they could work on it. Yeah right. Now looks where it's gotten us! She told me that she was trying to hold out until me and my brother each graduated high school.
My mom assures me that whatever happens, she will keep me and my brother in the same school district. I don't want to go to the school at my dad's because it is not that great of a school. the school I attend now is so much better with greater opportunities. I don't want to change schools....for the fourth time (Not including transitions to middle school and high school).
So right now as I'm sitting in my room, my sanctuary, I don't know if I'll be able to stay here. I don't know if I'll be leaving soon, leaving my familar room behind for a smaller, more cramped room. I don't know if somehow something will happen where I end up being able to stay. I just don't know. Everything is uncertain right now. It's all up in the air.
When my Dad finds out about what happens, things will only get worse for me. He will be pushign for me to go to school over there, and I don't want that. That is the last thing I want. He'll be pestering me and my mom about the school situation, about our home situation, and he might even go out on a limb and try to gain full custody of me and my brother.
I really hope that doesn't happen. I wish I could just be a kid again. A kid with no such worries as I have at this point in my life. With so much approaching in the near future with college and my career and stuff, I don't need all of this family issues either. I really don't.
Of course, no matter what happens though, i will be strong for my family. For my mom, for my brother, I will be strong. I have to be. If not me, then who? Only the weakest rocks crack under pressure. I 'm no piece of shale. So whatever happens, happens. I just have to focus on my school work and not let this affect my grades in any way. It might be hard, but i can do it. I know I can.
Peace out,
Jay~Jay
Monday, September 15, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
September Sorrow
This past week has been...interesting to say the least. Many great things have happened and on the flip side, many not-so-great things have happened. Since I'm a positive person, I always start with the good things first.
This week has been good because my softball team played our first three regular season games, and won each one. Tuesday we beat our rival school 11-1 in four innings. Wednesday we won our game 10-0 in four innings. Thursday (also our third baseman's birthday) we won 16-1 in three innings. So all of that is very exciting.
I took an English test on Tuesday (English is my favorite subject) and we got them back on Wednesday. Most of the scores were B's. I got a 97% A, so that's good. For my AP European History class we received the essay portion from our test last week back. The average score was 60%. I received a 90%. My Dad and Stepmom's anniversary was this week. We went out to dinner that night to celebrate, it was fun. Overall, you could say I had a pretty good week. But that's only if you look at the good stuff.
Now, for the negative side to my week. I was swamped with chemistry homework all week because my chemistry teacher gives us busy work, which I hate. There wasn't a single night this week that I didn't go to bed past midnight, so I was exhausted.
My friend is upset with someone she really cares about but won't tell that person that she's upset and talk to that person.
Yesterday was my grandpa's birthday. He would have been seventy one. I miss him terribly and even though it's been seven months since his passing, I still haven't totally accepted the fact that he's gone. I still expect to see him everytime my Grandma and uncle come to visit or we go to visit them. Yesterday reminded me that he was gone, really gone, and it hurt.
Thursday, as we all know, was the seventh anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, it was also my Dad and Stepmom's 7th anniversary.
We have a new principal at my school and she's come in and ruined everything. She has gone completely overboard with enforcing the rules and it's bad. Many of the teachers don't even like her. Thursday when my friends and I went to the library after school we had to deal with one of the many changes at our school. When we walked into the library we had to sign a sheet saying what homework we were going to be doing. We signed the Science sheet. Then we had to go to the science section, as if we were little kids. We were yelled at if we talked. If we finished with our Science homework we were supposed to go up to the front desk, sign out of the science section and sign up for a new section and then go to that section. Yeah right, that wasn't going to happen. This year is going to be great! Ugh.
I think I failed my journalism test yesterday because I had absolutley no time to study after I finished my Chemistry homework. So that's just splendid. I don't even want to see my grade on that test, because I know it's bad. But thankfully, I'm not the only one who believes they did poorly.
I only have one thing left to say: Thank goodness it's the weekEND!
Peace out,
Jay~Jay
This week has been good because my softball team played our first three regular season games, and won each one. Tuesday we beat our rival school 11-1 in four innings. Wednesday we won our game 10-0 in four innings. Thursday (also our third baseman's birthday) we won 16-1 in three innings. So all of that is very exciting.
I took an English test on Tuesday (English is my favorite subject) and we got them back on Wednesday. Most of the scores were B's. I got a 97% A, so that's good. For my AP European History class we received the essay portion from our test last week back. The average score was 60%. I received a 90%. My Dad and Stepmom's anniversary was this week. We went out to dinner that night to celebrate, it was fun. Overall, you could say I had a pretty good week. But that's only if you look at the good stuff.
Now, for the negative side to my week. I was swamped with chemistry homework all week because my chemistry teacher gives us busy work, which I hate. There wasn't a single night this week that I didn't go to bed past midnight, so I was exhausted.
My friend is upset with someone she really cares about but won't tell that person that she's upset and talk to that person.
Yesterday was my grandpa's birthday. He would have been seventy one. I miss him terribly and even though it's been seven months since his passing, I still haven't totally accepted the fact that he's gone. I still expect to see him everytime my Grandma and uncle come to visit or we go to visit them. Yesterday reminded me that he was gone, really gone, and it hurt.
Thursday, as we all know, was the seventh anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, it was also my Dad and Stepmom's 7th anniversary.
We have a new principal at my school and she's come in and ruined everything. She has gone completely overboard with enforcing the rules and it's bad. Many of the teachers don't even like her. Thursday when my friends and I went to the library after school we had to deal with one of the many changes at our school. When we walked into the library we had to sign a sheet saying what homework we were going to be doing. We signed the Science sheet. Then we had to go to the science section, as if we were little kids. We were yelled at if we talked. If we finished with our Science homework we were supposed to go up to the front desk, sign out of the science section and sign up for a new section and then go to that section. Yeah right, that wasn't going to happen. This year is going to be great! Ugh.
I think I failed my journalism test yesterday because I had absolutley no time to study after I finished my Chemistry homework. So that's just splendid. I don't even want to see my grade on that test, because I know it's bad. But thankfully, I'm not the only one who believes they did poorly.
I only have one thing left to say: Thank goodness it's the weekEND!
Peace out,
Jay~Jay
Sunday, September 7, 2008
The Verdict
So last night I told my mother that I was going to Homecoming this year and I also told her that I had already bought a dress. Of course, she did get a little bent out of shape about not being the one to take me shopping. I had expected that. In fact, I had already accepted it as inevitable, but I had planned out what I was going to say to her before hand to get her to understand.
It hadn't been nearly as painful as I had anticipated. The conversation really had only lasted a few minutes. I explained to her that I had not intentionally gone shopping for a dress without her, but that I had just happened across the dress and I couldn't pass it up. The dress was perfect for me, and it was cheap. I would have been stupid not to get it.
Thankfully, my mother understood, to an extent. I showed her the dress and she thinks it's cute. She likes it. She's already planned to bombard me with pictures. So, the worst is definitely over. And to appease her, I promised to let her take me shoe shopping, seeing as I still need to buy shoes that will go with my dress.
I'm just glad that I was able to get my mom to understand. I would have been really upset if I had to return the dress; and I probably wouldn't have gone to Homecoming this year. But thankfully, things worked out!
Peace out,
Jay~Jay
It hadn't been nearly as painful as I had anticipated. The conversation really had only lasted a few minutes. I explained to her that I had not intentionally gone shopping for a dress without her, but that I had just happened across the dress and I couldn't pass it up. The dress was perfect for me, and it was cheap. I would have been stupid not to get it.
Thankfully, my mother understood, to an extent. I showed her the dress and she thinks it's cute. She likes it. She's already planned to bombard me with pictures. So, the worst is definitely over. And to appease her, I promised to let her take me shoe shopping, seeing as I still need to buy shoes that will go with my dress.
I'm just glad that I was able to get my mom to understand. I would have been really upset if I had to return the dress; and I probably wouldn't have gone to Homecoming this year. But thankfully, things worked out!
Peace out,
Jay~Jay
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Dresses and Drama
School is officially back in secession. It has been for about three weeks. This past Friday was my school's first Varsity football game. Everything is starting to pick up speed. What's one event that many students look forward to at the beginning of the year? Homecoming of course!
Last year, I didn't go to Homecoming. I know, that's not cool. Instead I decided to stay the night at a friend's house who also didn't go to Homecoming. We had fun, I don't regret not going last year. But this year i decided that I would go. Yay for me, right? Well, yeah. Once I'm there and having fun, it will all be worth it. The preparation, however will be a nightmare.
I will admit that before yesterday, I did not own a dress. I hadn't for years. I am not a dress wearing type of person. So, I figured the hardest part for me would be finding a dress that I liked that fit me. Well yesterday I was at Gordmans shopping for jeans and shirts when I decided to just peruse the dress rack. Well while I was looking I saw an adorable black dress. It was spaghetti strapped and had embroidery on the bottom and was just adorable.There was only one of that dress left, and lucky me it was a size small. So I tried it on and I was so pleased that it fit! I ended up buying it.
Now I know what you are thinking. "So what's the problem? You found your dress, good for you." Well, I was out shopping with my stepmom. I was with my stepmom when I found the dress. I went to her and told her about the dress and that I wanted it. That's great, right? Not so much.
My stepmom and my dad both seem to think that my mom will have a problem with the fact that I bought the dress while I was out shopping with my stepmom, which I can see happening as well. My mom does not yet know about the dress. I am with my mom for Homecoming. So my stepmom and I had to come up with a plan to get the dress over to my mom's without my mom seeing and from there I can show it to my mom and ask her what she thinks. And if my mom gets bent out of shape about it, I have to return the dress.
To me, that isn't fair at all. I will be beyond furious if i have to return this dress because my mom got mad that I was with my stepmom when I bought it and not her. To me, it would be like my mom didn't really care that I found a dress I like just as long as she's with me when I buy a dress.
So right now I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that my mom will understand. Hopefully, she won't give me any trouble about it, although I really doubt that.
Peace out,
Jay~Jay
Last year, I didn't go to Homecoming. I know, that's not cool. Instead I decided to stay the night at a friend's house who also didn't go to Homecoming. We had fun, I don't regret not going last year. But this year i decided that I would go. Yay for me, right? Well, yeah. Once I'm there and having fun, it will all be worth it. The preparation, however will be a nightmare.
I will admit that before yesterday, I did not own a dress. I hadn't for years. I am not a dress wearing type of person. So, I figured the hardest part for me would be finding a dress that I liked that fit me. Well yesterday I was at Gordmans shopping for jeans and shirts when I decided to just peruse the dress rack. Well while I was looking I saw an adorable black dress. It was spaghetti strapped and had embroidery on the bottom and was just adorable.There was only one of that dress left, and lucky me it was a size small. So I tried it on and I was so pleased that it fit! I ended up buying it.
Now I know what you are thinking. "So what's the problem? You found your dress, good for you." Well, I was out shopping with my stepmom. I was with my stepmom when I found the dress. I went to her and told her about the dress and that I wanted it. That's great, right? Not so much.
My stepmom and my dad both seem to think that my mom will have a problem with the fact that I bought the dress while I was out shopping with my stepmom, which I can see happening as well. My mom does not yet know about the dress. I am with my mom for Homecoming. So my stepmom and I had to come up with a plan to get the dress over to my mom's without my mom seeing and from there I can show it to my mom and ask her what she thinks. And if my mom gets bent out of shape about it, I have to return the dress.
To me, that isn't fair at all. I will be beyond furious if i have to return this dress because my mom got mad that I was with my stepmom when I bought it and not her. To me, it would be like my mom didn't really care that I found a dress I like just as long as she's with me when I buy a dress.
So right now I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that my mom will understand. Hopefully, she won't give me any trouble about it, although I really doubt that.
Peace out,
Jay~Jay
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
